Depending on how twisted your sense of humor is, this ranges somewhere between funny and shocking. The following two toys were found as surprise gifts inside candy packages in the US.

It’s better than anthrax, I suppose.

Some people are claiming that the resemblance is purely coincidental. Riiiiiight. I think it is pretty clearly some sweatshop owner’s idea of a joke. Anyway, the candy has been recalled, but no one seems to be saying where these toys were actually manufactured.

Earlier this year, I wrote a piece on the incredible inaccuracies of electronic election systems and the more incredible insistence of local bureaucrats that these flawed systems regardless of test results or certification process.

http://www.t3.org/tangledwebs/09/tw0901.html

Things got even stranger after that. On April 13, Florida Secretary of State Glenda Hood issued an administrative rule prohibiting any manual recount of electronic voting results. Naturally, just about every civil liberties and voter awareness organization in Florida was outraged.

Rightly or wrongly, accusations remain about the accuracy of the Florida vote tally in the 2000 presidential elections, and Governor Jeb Bush and Republican legislative leaders are not allaying any suspicions by banning recounts outright.

Yesterday a Florida State judge ruled that the order itself violates state law. Which mandates recounts on very close races.

Further reading…
http://www.wired.com/news/evote/0,2645,64760,00.html/wn_ascii

We’re Number One! It seems this Blog is the first result when Googling “Hairy Barbarians”. Yeah, I know those aren’t exactly the most sought after keywords these days, but it’s still a good start.

Today Google! Tomorrow the Russian steppes!

OK. America’s Subservient Chicken is creepy, but Japanese advertiting can also get pretty stange — if not nearly as perverse.

Here’s a bit of Japanese adverting you’ll never see on prime time American TV. For those of you who don’t speak Japanese at the end of the commerical she says “Hey! Where do you think you’re looking!” The rest of the spot needs no translation.

I’m not sure what else I can add other than “Goo!! Goo!!”

Now this is just plain wrong.

For the past three years the Business Software Alliance and the and Motion Picture Association of America have been providing American elementary schools with “educational materials” to help teach the children about morality and copyright law.

Am I the only one who sees this as utterly preposterous!? I mean, here we have the public relations division (whose job it is to lie) of the legal arm (whose job it is to lie) of Hollywood movie studios (no comment needed) wanting to teach children about morality.

It is a delicious irony that these groups have chosen a weasel as the program’s mascot. In fact, little tikes all over America get to participate in a contest to name the vermin.

http://www.bsa.org/usa/press/newsreleases/BSA-Announces-Back-to-School-Poll.cfm

The problem here is that the average elementary school pupil has a great deal more moral character than the average corporate CEO. If a kid promises to give five dollars I give him to his parents, he’ll generally do it. A guy like Chris Sontag, on the other hand, would rip my arm off to get at the money and them sue me for emotional distress.

What we really need is an outreach program in which random ten-year-olds are selected to provide moral guidance to people like Ken Lay and Michael Eisner. You know, “Lying is bad.” “If you win something by cheating you have to give it back.” “Big boys don’t throw temper tantrums when they don’t get what they want.” Suff like that.

That would be a program worth sponsoring.

..no reason to live

I always wonder who thinks up studying this stuff in the first place, but according the researchers at the University of Florida and the University of North Carolina, short people earn $789 less annually per inch than those of normal stature.

And that’s even with shrimps like Bill Gates (5’9”), Jack Welch (5’8”) and Ross Perot (5’7” and shrinking) pulling the average up for the rest of the Lilliputian workforce.

Oh well, all together now!

I don’t want no short people ’round … I don’t want no short people ’round .. I don’t want no short people ’round…

Today the Japanese immigration authorities decided not to grant Bobby Fisher refugee status and to turn him over to US authorities.

TOKYO — Justice Minister Daizo Nozawa on Tuesday rejected former chess champion Bobby Fischer’s demand for protection as a political refugee, issuing an order to deport him.

The Justice Ministry rejected Fischer’s demand for protection as a political refugee, saying that the charges outstanding against him in the United States are not political in nature.

Fischer, 61, is wanted in the United States for violating international sanctions against Yugoslavia in 1992 when he played his 1992 championship rematch against former world champion Boris Spassky in that country.

The full article can be found at

http://www.japantoday.com/e/?content=news&cat=1&id=309822

It’s sad, but I can’t say I’m surprised. Legally Fisher doesn’t have a leg to stand on. He broke the law, right? Well, actually, he didn’t. There was no law banning US citizens from engaging in “economic activity” with Yugoslavia. It was an executive order signed by President Bush.

It’s hard to see what is to be gained by all this. Perhaps it will salve a few bruised egos in Washington.

OK, Bobby Fisher has gotten a little, shall we say, “eccentric” in recent years, but once he was the best. His life was chess, and like the Olympic athletes we are watching now, they live to prove to themselves that they are the best. (I’ve got news for you, most of these guys couldn’t care less what you and I think of their abilities. They are well beyond that.) I’m sure at the time, being told he could not play chess because of some unrelated political dispute seemed the height of absurdity.

It’s interesting. Almost none of the news stories I’ve read about this mention how the match went. Fisher won. He really was the best. Even in his current situation, I doubt he regrets proving that to himself.

I guess I’ve lost touch with the American mainstream. The chicken has been playing stateside for a few months, but I just stumbled upon it the other night.

www.subservientchicken.com

It seems that Burger King (that bastion of nutrition and wholesome family values) has decided the best way to foster a positive image is to pay some guy to dress like a giant chicken (that seems to be wearing a garter belt) and respond to commands via a simulated web-cam.

Standard stuff like “sit”, “roll over”, and “play dead” seem to work as do some oddball stuff like “make a chicken sandwich” or “show me the money.”

I didn’t experiment much because, quite frankly, this thing really creeps me out!

I mean, if consenting adults want to dress up like chickens in the privacy of their own homes, I’m cool with that. I don’t want to hear about it, but I’m cool it. Likewise, if some sleeze-ball porn site puts up a vouristic web-cam so members can watch a guy in a chicken costume bark like a dog, I don’t give it a second thought. The Internet is here to service all manner of peculiar predilection.

Somehow though, there is something disturbing about the fact that Burger King finds this a good way to make a favorable impression on the American public.

It seems that even Kansas in not in Kansas any more.

The blog is blank and, as of yet, unread. Looking at it now is like the first walk into a new home. It’s empty and unfurnished, but it’s yours. Its beauty comes from its potential. A new logo, a better color scheme, a nice window treatment. Yes, this place has potential!

For the past few years well-meaning friends have been pushing me to get on my ass and start bogging, so here we go. They say the first post is the hardest.

I really don’t know why it has taken me this long. I’ve been witting articles for newspapers and magazines and badgering people with my opinions (I prefer to call them “insights”) for years, but somehow the very essence of bogging, broadcasting one’s thoughts several times a day — as if people are interested — has always seemed quintessentially narcissistic, which, come to think of it, means I’ll probably be pretty good at it.

I’m not sure how, when or even if readers will arrive, but perhaps with a little help from my friends, Hairy Barbarians will work out well.